I want the free and wild life. I named this space "Free and Wild" as a declaration of the end of a life past lived, a life messy and riddled with anxiety and panic and dark seasons where life seemed blurry. But if I'm honest, my life is far from free and wild.
In the place of anxiety, I found a way to make sure life never became so out of control again. I found a medicine of schedules, plans penciled in on an overbooked calendar, commitments, color coordinated planners and planned out moments that would make a great Instagram photo.
We spent the weekend in the mountains. Before I met Brandon, I was a city girl. If there weren't electrical outlets, I wasn't going to sleep there. Hiking meant bugs and dirt and sweat and needing approximately 13 showers afterwards. But now, I love it. There's something so freeing about an escape to the mountains, to the trees.
Mountain life is free and wild life-- and that's exactly what I've been needing lately. I need a life that's free and wild, a mountain life. I need a life marked by less social media, less planning, less striving, less perfection, less expectations and guilt trips, less living life yelling and sprinting.
I want a life with more music with banjo and someone singing with a twangy voice. I want a life with more hikes that push me to my limits and make my lungs feel alive. I want a life with more mornings started with the sun, black coffee and a blanket outside. I want a life with mountain sunsets, with the trees dark against the orange and pink and purple. I want a life with more campfires, the kind where your clothes smell burnt for days after. I want a life of more mountain meals-- simple, hearty and fresh.
I'm writing this from our apartment in the suburbs, right over the city line. I can hear sirens whirling past our street, kids playing (and cussing loudly) in our parking lot while playing basketball and someone talking loudly in a foreign accent in our apartment hallway. But no matter where I'm going, I'm chasing a mountain life.